Definition
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to others, or a low or absent interest in sexual activity. Asexual people — often abbreviated as “aces” — may still experience romantic attraction, form deep emotional relationships, and engage in sexual activity for reasons other than attraction (such as intimacy, reproduction, or partner satisfaction). Asexuality exists on a spectrum: gray-asexual (experiencing sexual attraction rarely or only under specific circumstances) and demisexual (experiencing sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond) are identities within the asexual spectrum. The “A” in LGBTQIA+ stands for asexual, aromantic, and agender. Asexuality has gained increasing visibility in the 21st century through online communities, academic research, and media representation, though asexual people still face skepticism, pathologization, and the common misconception that asexuality is a medical condition, a phase, or a result of trauma rather than a valid sexual orientation.
Why It Matters
Asexuality is the internet’s favorite orientation to misunderstand. In a culture obsessed with sex — where sexual attraction is treated as a universal human experience — asexuality challenges the assumption that everyone wants what everyone else wants. The internet has been both a blessing and a curse for asexual visibility: on one hand, online communities (AVEN, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, founded in 2001) have provided validation, education, and community for people who might otherwise believe they are broken or alone. On the other hand, the internet is also where asexual people encounter their most hostile critics: people who insist that asexuality is “just celibacy,” that it is a mental illness, or that it is “not a real orientation.” The asexual community has responded with creativity: ace memes, ace flags, ace puns (“ace” as in asexual, but also “ace” as in excellent), and a robust discourse about the difference between sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and aesthetic attraction. Asexuality matters because it forces a conversation about what sexual orientation actually means. If orientation is about who you are attracted to, what does it mean to not be attracted to anyone? The internet is still answering that question. And the answer is: it means you are ace. And ace is enough.
Example
“She found AVEN at 22. She had never heard the word ‘asexual.’ She read the FAQ. She cried. Not because she was sad. Because she was seen. For the first time, someone described her experience: not broken, not traumatized, just not interested. She told her friend. Her friend said, ‘Maybe you just haven’t met the right person.’ She had heard that before. She would hear it again. But now she had a word. The word was armor. The word was a flag. The flag was black, gray, white, and purple. She hung it in her room. She was not alone. The internet was full of aces. The internet was her community. And the community was real. Even if the attraction was not.”
Related Terms
- AVEN — The Asexual Visibility and Education Network, the foundational online community
- Gray-Asexual — The identity for those who experience sexual attraction rarely or conditionally
- Demisexual — The identity for those who experience sexual attraction only after emotional bonding
- LGBTQIA+ — The acronym that includes asexuality under the “A”
- Romantic Attraction — The distinction that asexuality is about sexual, not romantic, orientation